The imaginary boundries we create

I have been listening to the plants closely in recent weeks. My emotions have been pulling me to and fro' of late, and there comes a point where I have to ask for help. I have no issue in talking about my problems, nor do I feel shame in doing so. The plant medicines however, offer me a new space and a deeper way to explore those issues that arise in me. I recently had a conversation with the mushrooms. Enlightening as always, they decided that we were going to have a point and laugh at the ridiculousness of some of my habits. Of course in an endearing way!

I become stressed out at the most ridiculous things. The most obscure being that I cant ever stick to a colour or theme on instagram. I found this absolutely hilarious because its so ridiculous! I was able to see my artistic ability and how barred it is by my own overthinking. I want to create art, but I can't allow myself room to expand beyond the borders I set myself. I worry about posting some of the more risque art in case "the wrong people" see it. Here I asked myself who I should care? I often delete old photos of myself when I feel low in confidence, but why do I do it? I can't shape everything in my life to suit how I want to be perceived. One after another imaginary limitation is invented in order to self sabotage and hold myself back. To what end? So many of us do this without even noticing because it is so ingrained into us. We invent these stupid boxes to categorize ourselves as one thing or another, but it isn't real. Its an illusion we set up. We do it so the people we want to like us, will. The truth is however, that they rarely ever do.

And so after a long chat with the mushroom, I have come to the conclusion that I have to stop trying to be organized because I simply am not. That is my gift. I am a messy, chaotic individual who cannot be forced to fit into any one box. And that is absolutely beautiful.

x